How to help children deal with the loss of a pet

Dealing with the loss of a much-loved dog, cat, or horse is as upsetting as it is difficult – though for children, losing their four-legged best friend can be distressing.

Whether you’re supporting your own child or responsible for a child who’s recently lost a beloved pet, it’s essential to approach the subject of pet loss with utmost care. 

Here’s our guidance for helping children process, understand, and cope with the loss of a family dog, cat, or horse…

Tell them what’s happening using clear, simple language

Depending on their age, the form of language you use to let a child know what’s going on could have an impact on their understanding of the situation. So, it’s important to explain what’s happening or what’s happened to your dog, cat, or horse in a way that’s clear and doesn’t leave them feeling confused. 

How to tell a toddler their pet has passed away

Sit somewhere peaceful, with minimal distractions, to calmly let them know their pet can’t come home and it’s normal to feel sad, worried, or angry about that. 

You may need to support a toddler to understand how they feel by labelling those feelings – for example, encourage them to recognise differences between ‘sadness’. ‘worry’, and ‘anger’.

Encourage them to express their feelings through drawing, painting, or talking about all the things they loved about their dog, cat, or horse. Alternatively, a storybook explaining loss could support a child to comprehend the situation. 

How to tell a child aged 5-11 their pet has passed away

Choose somewhere quiet to sit with them and share the sad news about their pet, then answer any questions they might have about the situation in a gentle way. 

Although going into detail about how their dog, cat, or horse passed away would be too upsetting for most children, it’s essential they understand the truth of what happened. For instance, a child who isn’t told the truth may become more upset if they’re led to believe their pet could return one day and that never happens.

Try to engage them in conversations focusing on the happy memories they have of their lost pet – and encourage them to let you know how they’re feeling.

It can also be beneficial to introduce a child to books about loss that explain the concept to them in a way that’s both gentle and easy-to-understand. 

To help a child process the loss of a treasured dog, cat, or horse, they also should be involved in finding ways to remember their pet (more on this later).

How to help a teenager deal with the loss of their pet

For most teenagers, it’s likely they’re already aware of the concept of death and loss. 

While they may understand what it means to lose a loved one, it’s still crucial to use gentle language when discussing the loss of a cherished dog, cat, or horse. 

Expect the reaction of a teenager to be as unique as they are – some might prefer to hide their feelings, whereas others could become extremely emotional. However they react to the news, it’s essential to encourage them to talk about what’s happened and how they feel – even if they talk to their friends instead of you. 

Alternatively, if a teenager would prefer not to discuss their feelings with someone they know, it’s worth recommending they contact an organisation offering pet bereavement counselling instead:

• Blue Cross’ Pet Loss Support is available via phone, email, and live chat.
• Cats Protection’s Paws to Listen is available by phone or contact form.
• British Horse Society (BHS) Friends at the End is available via phone, email, and social media.
• Living with Pet Bereavement is available for support via phone. 
• Samaritans are available to contact at any time through phone, email, live chat, by letter, or face-to-face.

Talk about your feelings, then invite them to talk about their feelings

As we know, talking about the emotions that overwhelm us in the throes of grief tends to open the door to processing loss. The grieving process presents challenges no-matter our age – though for children and young people, the powerful (unfamiliar) feelings associated with loss can be confusing and, in some cases, frightening.

Before expecting a child or young person to open up to you about their feelings, it can be helpful to be honest with them about your own emotional state. Explaining how the loss of your family dog, cat, or horse has affected you, prior to expecting them to share their feelings, is a positive method of support.

Leading by example is often the most effective way to inspire a child or young person to talk about loss. Through sharing an honest conversation about your sadness after losing a beloved pet, you might give a child or young person the confidence to share how they feel, too.

Remember: Let their teachers know how a child or young person has reacted to the loss of a family pet; requesting school staff be prepared to provide emotional support, if needed.

Get them involved in finding ways to remember their pet

Whether you’re supporting a toddler, child, or teenager through the grieving process, it’s important to let them be involved in deciding how to remember your family pet. 

How to help children deal with the loss of a dog

As part of helping a child deal with the loss of a much-loved dog, you could empower them to choose how they’d like to remember their four-legged best friend:

• Encourage them to write a story about their dog.
• Help them find inspiration to write a poem about their dog. 
• Inspire them to create and decorate their own memory box.

How to help children deal with the loss of a cat

To help children cope with the loss of a cherished family cat, you could try encouraging them to:

• Create a painting of their cat.
• Craft an ornament of their cat using household items (e.g. toilet roll tubes).
• Make jewellery to remember their cat (e.g. a simple bracelet with each bead representing a special memory). 

How to help children deal with the loss of a horse

Losing a family horse who’s been part of their life (perhaps since birth) can be devastating for a child or young person of any age. Here are ways to support children and young people to get involved in finding ways to remember a much-loved horse who’s passed away:

• Ask for their help to choose photographs to put into a special memorial photo album or photo book.
• Let them decorate a horseshoe that once belonged to their family’s horse.
• Suggest they find a suitable stone to decorate themselves and place in a quiet spot in their horse’s favourite field or in the garden at home. 

For access to further information, advice, and resources, please visit our Pet Bereavement Hub.